Thanks for joining me!
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
So many words, so many ways of expressing myself. This should have been the first post I had, but it’s not so here we are. I came up with Curiosity & Confession one day and just stuck to it. Curiosity being random topics that come to mind with no warning. A random topic that I attempted to explain or research to get an answer. Confession being more than likely something that has already happened in life or something I want to happen.
The “likes” on here are easy to get, but to get someone to stop and explain how they get where im coming from makes it worth it. Often times im so scattered brained and lose focus that I may come off Bipolar. The truth is some may show you their life, but I think I’ll just tell you about it. This is going to be a blogtastic experience.
Simply because I am human and i’m just like you…
Envy – Feeling of discontented or resentful.
affordable brands that girls wear nowadays. The company hit a net worth of 1
billion dollars in 2016, so that should give you an idea of much the average
female liked the brand back then. For a year I hated the very thought of that
brand. Not because it was ugly or that the designer was just out of control or
anything you would think of. Sadly to admit but I didn’t like the brand simple
because after me and my boyfriend broke up after a year of being together he
bought a MK watch for his new girlfriend.
roads and when Christmas time came around he pasted me a watch. I’ll admit that
I had no idea who MK was or anything and the watch was completely ugly to me. I
asked him who was MK and if she was into big bulky watches. Yes I was being
what some would call a hater but what you expect he just pasted me a Christmas
gift for my replacement basically that was pricing out online to be more than
any single item he has ever bought me. He was looking at me crazy just because
I didn’t know the name/ brand so I looked it up and much to my surprise the
purses were so beautiful. I never even looked into the watches because I was
instantly hurt by the fact all these handbags were $400 plus. Here I was
sitting in the car with someone that wouldn’t even consider buying me something
$100 just bought his girlfriend of a week a freaking expensive watch. I mean I
was soooo hurt and angry like I just couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that
within a week of being with her he had deemed her worthy of breaking a bill
for. What was it that made her better than me? What did she do or how did she
make him feel, that I was so much better than me?
anything with that name on it. The brand was a reminder of what I lacked, an
anchor to my pain. Every time I would come across it I would be discussed and
annoyed. I wanted to be that girl that a guy spent that kind of money on. I
wanted to be that girl that a guy went out of his way to buy something special
breaking up with him and leaving it behind. While driving down the highway at a
good 80 mph I threw the watch out the window. Funny thing though is later I
found out that the watch was fake and that he didn’t even break a $20 on that
watch. It wasn’t long after I found out the truth that the watch really was
fake and that I was I able to admit to myself and everyone else that the Brand
had really cute purses. Who knows why none of my girls had MK back then but,
they rocking them now!
Confession, C. A. (2018, June 08). Envy. Retrieved from https://curiosityandconfession.blogspot.com/2018/06/envy.html
Wrath (Anger) – Strong feelings of annoyance, displeasure or hostility.
Being spoiled most my life has feed into my anger in some of the worst ways. Not being able to do what I want soon enough or get what I want soon enough leads to an uncontrollable rage. Some days it can be as simple as a smell that’s sets me off. The higher my standards or expectations the harder it is for me to control myself. Every day is different and every response is as well. Punching walls, smashing glasses, yelling, crying, cussing….It all comes so fast it makes my head want to explode.
To fly off the handle of something so simple never makes me happy. Nothing comes from anger except lashing out and hurtful responses in pointless arguments. I often find myself asking God for forgiveness and the ability to think smarter and calm down. The worst thing is when the calm finally hits and I regret everything. The anger becomes so much it’s almost like having a demon inside you that is trying to set fire to everything in front of you. If my life was a movie you would see my spirit watching my body move and react to things around. Watching and telling myself to calm down as I try desperately to reconnect and take control over my body to get it to stop. All I would need is a second o myself to connect and gain control again. Some days it takes longer than other days to stop.
I’ve hurt my spouse more times than I can remember by picking just the most heartless thing to say. I hurt him and put him down when he himself is hurting or already having a hard time. My anger doesn’t allow me to care about what he has going on or how he even feels at the time. All I can do is push him away, digging deeper and deeper to make him reconsider his choice to be with me
Gods plan was never for his children to be so heartless so cruel yet that is what anger brings to the table. If I told you that I’m aware of this and the problems it causes all while saying id stop and never get angry again, well…. That would be a sin all of its own.
Confession, C. A. (2018, January 14). WRATH (Anger). Retrieved from https://curiosityandconfession.blogspot.com/2018/01/wrath-anger.html
Here I thought 2015 was a rough year. Sad to say 2017 beat that year by a long shot! Both personal and business life was the worst and I was going down fast. I lost focus of my goals and took for granted that I could handle anything that was thrown at me.
Let’s talk business first because boy did I screw that up. After 4 years of working to climb up the ladder of management I finally become a GM of a restaurant. Unfortunately that only lasted 9 months before I was replaced. The owners sent in two GMs to “train” me to understand the whole operation. Ok the only reason the second guy came im was because the 1st got himself fired after 2 weeks of being there. I ended up getting a new supervisor after 4 months in and from the gate he didn’t support me. It’s like my store became the punch lines to his jokes at meetings. From there I lost confidence and focus in my stats. It wasn’t till later did I find out the supervisor was looking for my replacement the whole time. All the while the second guy was “training” me his ways of doing things were driving me crazy. No not his management skills, but the amount of drama that came with his presence. There wasn’t a day that went by that something crazy was being said or heard. Anywho after failing our shops snd business visits it became too much. I never got enough people hired or even completely one set of schedules correctly. I began to hate everything about being there and found any reason to leave. My personal life had a big role to play tho as well. Honestly I feel like till this day I would’ve never walked out if it wasn’t for my relationship with my boyfriend also being shit. So much negative in my life one of them had to go.
As for my personal life my car payment got behind due to me paying on everything and everyone instead of the car. Which with me getting behind on payments later lead to me getting my car repoed. Guess who was around to help me out with that whole repo process….no one! The repo came after me quitting my job and getting a new job.
Back in 2015 my boyfriend cheated on me with his co worker, got with her, cheated on her with me, then got back with me. Ugh! He was my first love blah blah blah. The girl started dating my brother, then came to the house only for me to beat her up. In my opinion my brother and current boyfriend hyped that whole thing up. From there everything just kept getting worse. My boyfriend lost 2 jobs back to back and lived off unemployment the rest of 2017. We fought every night and little things here and there that I consider cheating was going on. I was at my all time dumbest thinking that year. The boy literally came before everything else. Oh and don’t let me forget that my little brother stole my 65′ TV out my apartment. No big deal or anything, that TV only cost me $700 that I bought with my taxes in 2016. Whatever…
Eight months in to 2018 and I must admitt I’m not where I want to be, but I am focused. I came into this year with the idea/mindset that no one is going to give me anything. If I want anything at all I’ll have to be the one to make it happen. It has helped me a lot to forgive the things that people have done to wrong me over time. A complete weight has been lifted off my shoulders to not hate anyone. This year has beat last year by far and I pray that things keep going in the right direction.
Life is about the things that makes us happy. If not, than why are we here to begin with? My resolution was simply to find what made me happy again. Find what made me, me. I’m trying to go back to college this fall and start a second job at another call center. Pray for me guys this is going to be one hell of a ride these last few months! Bye 2017, see ya 2018!